respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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