I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
