The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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