just come out here and I will go home with you...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
