I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
