D3 body, D1 cock
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
