Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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