I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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