I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she smelled like a LAN party
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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