I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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