this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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