Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
