Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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