I hate all girls vehemently.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
zippers are such a cool invention
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
