ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
