We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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