remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
