If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
