fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
