Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
