Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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