We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
