Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
