i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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