Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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