She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My dick has a subreddit
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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