I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
