Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
