Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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