His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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