he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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