i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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