Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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