hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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