He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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