his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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