It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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