I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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