she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
