I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
