I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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