She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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