Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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