As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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