i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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