Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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