i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
