Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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