perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
