you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
