I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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