So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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