When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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