The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
