I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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