My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
