Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
