i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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