You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
