I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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