I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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