before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
