Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
