Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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