If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
