ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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