Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
