I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
